Dec. 04, 2007 - 3:06 a.m.

Brilliant.
I figured I'd try this again. One more time, yanno.

Here I am, back at the hotel - again.

Seems my life is a circle.
Sitting here at the desk, working with Just.
Same old, same old.
Still with E.
Still infatuated with other people.

Bama being one of them...
Don't even know how to describe this one, really.
Maybe that's a good thing. But this one has a good head on his shoulders, and along with the alpha male - can express more than 3 different emotions (other than happy, hungry and horny!)
I'm so proud.

Odd, that he walked into my life, and suddenly, Sam, who I haven't talked to in months (no good reason, really - both of us just busy and distracted) starts texting and calling again.
Very odd indeed.

But of course, like I said, E is still in the picture. And I'm being rather good for now with it.
He does love me. I know that he does. And I know he wants the best for me, but doesn't know how to show it. Which is incredibly frustrating for me.
He wants me to be better. Actually finish college, have a career...
He wants kids.

I'm a little frightened about that one, actually, because I think about it more and more lately.
Maybe it's just the result of EVERYONE I KNOW getting married.
J and her T are getting married, pretty quick, it's only been a year now..but whatever.
Che' and her boy are getting married the end of February. Which is a little scary, since nothing is really done yet.
It's December and she hasn't sent out invitations.
I'm pretty sure this is going to be a crazy clusterfuck of a wedding.
Been to more weddings within the past year than I care to even remember, and see no break in the future.

Maybe I'm starting to feel left behind.
I don't know. I'd like to get married eventually, but I'm not rushing the issue.
I mean, it's been a little over 3 years for E and I, we don't really count the little "breaks" for anything. 2 months of not dating each other?
Shit - he was still trying to sleep with me the entire time.
Ridiculous.

Ah.
Well. Honestly, I do need to do some work.

I've been through a lot of shit this year, and I'll be rather happy once it's over.
New car, though - but as a result of bad accident.
Rolled the truck, but obviously I'm okay. All limbs still intact.

Like I said, it's not been a great year for things like that. But at the same point, I've met some amazing people, bonded with my favorite people, and learned that while E may be an asshole, he's still got my back in every situation possible.
He's capable of being that potential.
I'd love to see him reach it.

But I'd love to live up to my own potential in the meantime.

Ha.

Out for now, and I'll be doing some work.

Or just smoking a cigarette.

Lovies.

�

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