Apr. 29, 2006 - 2:15 a.m.

I don't even know why I'm bothering to write in this thing any longer.

There's no possible point to it in chronicling the rest of the pathetic existence that we call life.

Lie. Complete.

I'm horridly..consumed.

By life at the moment.

So. I've given up the dating thing..almost..

R and I have started a "relationship" I suppose.

Which is a bit confusing since Eric is still in the picture a bit.

I feel like a shit, because I almost can't give up my freedom entirely.
No like R's asking me to, though.

We both aren't willing to give that up. But spend exhorbent amounts of time with each other.
New relationship buzz. It'll do it every time. It'll wear off a in a bit.

I..think.
It's not healthy if it doesn't. And I need to move the fuck outta the house. I'm driving myself insane there.

Not that anything is wrong there, I'm just making myself crazy. I don't have the space I need, or the ability to create it.

And I don't know how to damned afford living on my own without eatting ramen noodles and buying packs of cigarettes with pennies.

Or getting a third job. Which, truthfully, I've been considering. Well, a different second job, perhaps, because staying here just isn't worth it.

I was thinking of possibly getting a waitressing/bartending job.
Some where better than my last waitressing job. Which was NO business and shitty ass tips.
So I'd like to go somewhere where I can be friendly and sarcastic and have fun.
And bring home cash in hand.

And not have to trail someone around all night on training, and not make any tips, even though I'm doing most of the work, because they're stupid assholes.

Rawr.
I'll start looking.

I'm happy, truthfully. I'm making it towards the goals I've set, slowly but steadily.

I like the people I have surrounding me, most of the time.
(Sometimes you just don't get to choose who've you have standing next to you)

Meeeeh.
Happy. But tired. I can't take this job anymore, because I feel so damned restrainded and ...let down.
There's no gratification to it.

Crappy paycheck, every two weeks (which is shit..), no perks (like stealing a room for the night..)
Because apparently while the boss can comp rooms for his friends, we're not allowed to stay here because we'd take advantage of it.
Ridiculous.
Anyhow. I completely lost train of thought.
I'm not bothering here..

It's past when I should be thinking. I should be smoking.
I should be doing anything but sitting here.

That's exactly what I think. And I need to go curl up in bed.
Thank you, good night.

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